I’m sitting in the library looking at the folding chairs and tables leaning against the record player. The house has been washed of fall decor. We shopped ’till we dropped. The food worshiping holiday is over.
We did it. We survived our first holiday since Grandpa has passed. That sounds really sad, I know it does. But somehow this is a big deal.
I was afraid I wouldn’t make it through the day without him. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to make his favorite deviled eggs without crying into the batter. I was afraid I’d pick up the phone to call him only to remember that he wouldn’t be there to answer. I was afraid the gathering of family would make my heart ache more than it already was. I was afraid I’d have to talk about him and end up crying because that’s just what happens now.
But we did it.
My niece and daughters helped me decorate the house and prepare crafts for the kids. My husband helped me chop and prep food, he cleaned chairs, and accepted whatever little tasks I asked of him. I cleaned, cooked, crafted, and delegated the day away. Before I knew it, my mom’s fiance was carving a turkey and then we all sat down to eat dinner. I had made it through the day.
I sat next to my momma and listened to the chatter of the room. My grandma was making small talk with my brother and complimenting dinner. The kids were laughing at fart jokes and pretending that they were drinking wine at a fancy dinner. My husband was laughing with his sisters, and I could hear his mom giggle at whatever her husband was whispering to her. We sang happy birthday to my brother and had a hot sauce challenge in Grandpa’s honor. This is what grandpa would have wanted…family laughing together, enjoying a good home cooked meal, and of course fart jokes.
I had to stop a few times to take a deep breath, squeeze the necklace around my neck, and remember that this is what life is. Life is all of these moments wrapped together and even though it seems impossible some days, life is still happening.
❤ La Lady Valdez