End of the year eval – a shit show?

What kind of year was 2020? A shit show? A year of good fortune in disguise? A year of, dare I say, forced respite so people could learn to slow the fuck down and breathe for a minute?

I understand that 2020 was a different experience for each and every human on our beautiful planet. People lost loved ones, lost jobs, fell into debt, became sick… the list goes on.

This year forced us to learn difficult individual lessons, to learn crucial lessons as a community and a country; we felt pain and anxiety, we felt anger, fear, and frustration, we were asked to slow down and to rapidly adapt all at the same time.

But we were also met with unexpected opportunities for growth, extra time with our families, extra time with ourselves, an abundant amount of cuddles with our fur babies and human babies, much needed rest, wake up calls, more memories made at home, and lastly, time.

We were given the gift of time.

My anxiety was a mother fucker this year. I started 2020 with a knife in my heart and was in the depths of depression. Being told that I couldn’t go back to work after spring break was a punch to the gut. Work is a wonderful distraction for me when anxiety and depression are in the driver’s seat. But like the flat tire that COVID-19 is, she forced me to stop and sit on the side of the road for a minute (or months in this case).

This is an unpopular opinion, but I didn’t know how much I needed this year until I sat down to look back at it. Yes, you read that correctly. I think that I needed this year. It still sucked a big toe, but despite the horror shit show that it was, I needed the gift it had given me.

The extra time allowed me to slow down so that I could face the monsters in my heart and mind, to heal (many times over).

The extra time allowed me to work from home so that in between calls and projects, I could play with my kids, make messes, and cuddle in their little arms.

The extra time allowed me to sleep in with my husband, have long talks standing in the kitchen, giggle, and enjoy each other’s quiet company.

The extra time allowed me to love on my fur babies even more, enjoy every annoying dibble of drool they left behind, and realize that they are THE BEST coworkers.

The extra time allowed me to paint, write, and create more than I had in a long time.

The extra time allowed me to fall in love with reading again.

The extra time allowed me to work on my patience – with myself, my children, and my husband.

The extra time allowed me to sit outside in the sunshine and in the rain, to clear my head when things were foggy.

The extra time allowed me to sit quietly and just be.

I’m going to choose to settle in what 2020 provided, rather than what it took away. This will be my solace going in to the new year.

❀ La Lady Valdez

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